After all, it kills you.” – Katharine HepburnĪlso read: Short Quotes, Sarcastic Quotes Amusing Funny Quotes to Make Light of Life’s Hard Timesģ6. “If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.” – Ace Venturaģ4. The trouble was, it was my own.” – Les Dawsonģ3. “I am only human, although I regret it.” – Mark Twainģ2. “When I was a boy, the Dead Sea was only sick.” – George Burnsģ1. “The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.” – Steel Magnoliasģ0. “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.” – The OfficeĢ9. “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” – Steve MartinĢ8. “War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.” – Ambrose PierceĪlso read: Famous Quotes Short Funny Quotes to Make You Laugh Out LoudĢ6. “I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.” – Sex and the CityĢ5. Avoiding one’s friends, that’s the real test.” – Downton AbbeyĢ4. “There’s nothing simpler than avoiding people you don’t like. “To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!” – A Fish Called WandaĢ3. “The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.” – Albert EinsteinĢ2. That’s how I learned to dance-waiting for the bathroom.” – Bob HopeĢ1. “I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.” – Jimmy KimmelĢ0. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts.” – Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fearġ9. “I don’t believe in astrology I’m a Sagittarius and we’re skeptical.” – Arthur C. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.” – Will Ferrellġ7. “My advice to you is get married-if you find a good wife, you’ll be happy if not, you’ll become a philosopher.” – Socrates Famous Funny Quotesġ6. “There is one word that describes people that don’t like me: irrelevant.” – Anonymousġ5. “Age is something that doesn’t matter unless you are a cheese.” – Luis Buñuelġ4. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.” – Alan Dundesġ3. Of course, I don’t really remember yesterday all that well.” – Finding Doryġ2. “You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.” – Joan Riversġ1. “The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” – Lucille Ballġ0. The people who need it most never use it.” – Anonymousĩ. “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” – Robin WilliamsĨ. Then, by all means, follow that path.” – Ellen DeGeneresħ. “Never follow anyone else’s path-unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. “When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” – Cathy GuisewiteĦ. You’re going to get it anyway.” – Erma Bombeckĥ. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ It is a mere formality. “Trying is the first step toward failure.” – The SimpsonsĤ. That always worries me!” – Charlie Brownģ. “Sometimes, you lie in bed at night and you don’t have a single thing to worry about. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.” – AnonymousĢ. So, if you or anybody you know needs some hilarious lines, then this list is perfect for you!Īnd make sure to read these smile quotes and encouraging quotes. It may be difficult to suddenly think of funny lines to send to your loved ones. So, if you know anyone who’s struggling and needs comfort, make sure you do your part as their friend or family member and send them some funny quotes and texts that will make their day a tad brighter! This is especially true when you’re feeling down and unmotivated. They say that laughter is the best medicine. We all need a good laugh to get through our day, and this list of funny quotes will surely get you on your feet, clutching your belly with laughter!
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